What is emotional hygiene?
Emotional hygiene means being aware of our mental health and doing small things every day to take care of our emotional wounds when we get them. Many of us don’t know how to do this. Dr. Guy Winch said in his TED Talk that we focus more on our physical health than our mental health. For example, when we get a physical wound, we know we need to clean and treat it so it can heal. We wouldn’t make the wound worse! But when we have an emotional wound, like a failure, many of us feel sorry for ourselves or blame ourselves over and over again, which makes us feel even worse. We don’t realize that when we don’t treat emotional wounds, our self-esteem goes down. And when that happens, we keep getting into the same trouble again and again. It can even lead to worse mental health problems like depression or suicidal thoughts.
“when we get a wound, we know that we must disinfect it and treat it so that it will heal. Nobody would poke or cut the wound deeper! But when we face an emotional wound, let’s say a failure, many of us wallow in self-pity or blame ourselves over and over again for failing, making ourselves feel worse.”
Building social connections, haveTHATtalk.ca (note: The 211 helpline is in Ottawa. Please check Community Resources below for Manitoba helplines).
Besides failure, there are other emotional wounds we might experience, like trauma (losing someone we love, abuse or violence, a major accident, etc.), rejection (social or professional), or feeling abandoned and alone. As newcomers, we will face these emotional wounds as we settle and integrate into our new lives. Some of us may have even experienced trauma before coming here. Many of us carry the pain with us for years. This can affect us mentally (causing stress, anxiety, or depression) and physically (giving us headaches, high blood pressure, and other illnesses). In fact, experts have found that feeling lonely and disconnected from others increases the chances of dying early by 14%.
That’s why emotional hygiene is important. When we take care of our emotional wounds and work on building emotional strength every day, our quality of life gets better.
Best ways to practice emotional hygiene
Dr. Winch calls it “Emotional First-Aid.” Here’s what you should do right after you get hurt emotionally:
-
Recognize when you’re in emotional pain
Pay attention when you feel emotionally unwell. Don’t ignore it, deal with it sooner rather than later. For example, if you feel lonely, talk to a friend. If you’re heartbroken, seek advice from someone. If you’re feeling sad because of the winter (SAD or winter blues), you may need to see a doctor. Whatever the reason, pay attention and try to ease the pain. If you can’t figure it out or don’t have the energy to ease the pain, ask for help from a counselor, advisor, or doctor.
-
Be gentle and compassionate with yourself
Be kind and understanding to yourself. It can be difficult, but blaming ourselves when things go wrong doesn’t help. It’s important to maintain our self-esteem. Protect your self-esteem by being compassionate to yourself. Relax, take deep breaths, and don’t compare yourself to others. Remember that things will get better and see every situation as a learning experience.
- Relax. Sip some tea. Take deep breaths (meditate if you can).
- Recognize that it is impossible that everything is your fault. There are many factors that go into any situation.
- Don’t compare yourself to others.
- Know that the situation may be bad today but things will get better.
- Look at the situation as a learning experience.
-
Don’t ruminate
Avoid replaying bad experiences in your mind. This can become a habit and clutter your mind with negativity. Distract yourself when you notice that you’re starting to ruminate. Solve a puzzle, take a walk, or exercise. A few minutes of distraction can help reduce negative thoughts.
-
Change your response to failure
Change how you respond to failure. Dwelling on failure makes you feel helpless. Instead, focus on what you can do and learn from the experience. Make a list of lessons learned and set new goals. Keep trying, persistence pays off.
These steps require changing your mindset in order to start taking up healthy mental habits. It will not be easy. But like anything that is worth doing, it will require effort and discipline. Do your best to practice these on a regular basis. In the end, you will benefit immensely for having a clean, healthy and resilient mind!
Sources: 5 steps to better emotional hygiene, Guy Winch Ph. D., Psychology Today; 7 ways to practice emotional first-aid, Guy Winch Ph.D., Ideas.Ted.Com; and Emotional First-Aid, Nicholette Leanza, Med, LPCC-S, Psych Central. Accessed September 18, 2019.
